How I Overcame Toxic Social Media Habits

~ Success doesn’t need to be defined in terms of ‘all or nothing.’ ~

~ Overcoming a bad habit is messy and imperfect. ~

When social media first became a widespread, household activity, young people eagerly flocked to the new platforms. In the beginning, social media was considered ‘cool’ and ‘hip.’ At the time, old people, sometimes referred to as ‘The Olds’ did not know what was going on.

10 years later, ‘The Olds’ now dominate Facebook and young people are on TikTok. Now a moral panic has emerged as mounting evidence suggests that social media negatively impacts the mental health of people from all age groups, but especially teenagers, and especially young girls.

Loneliness is on the rise and social media is considered a major culprit, according to nearly everyone.

---

Of primary concern is the manner in which social media and other apps successfully dominate attention spans. There is an entire economy that directly profits from this dominance. I have written before, we need to fight back by reclaiming our focus.

These days, unless you choose to live completely off the grid, no one is immune from the misdirection efforts of the attention economy.

My X Problem

In my effort to live in accordance with what I preach, I recently realized that I had a little problem of my own. It had to do with my use of X.com, formerly known as Twitter.

People sometimes ask me why I bother to engage on X and the truth is… I don’t know.

Perhaps I engage for many of the same reasons we all use social media. As I gain engagement, my ego is boosted (when people actually notice me), I earn social proof (even if it’s illusory), and I am heard by a large audience (even when almost nobody is paying attention).

It’s almost sad, Isn’t it? One could argue that social media could be considered a big trick. A diversion. A scam.

My Breaking Point

After one particularly spicy back and forth exchange with prominent, left-of-center political commentator Matthew Yglesias and his followers on the topic of inflation, I reached a breaking point.

As I left work for the day, I was acting with urgency in all the wrong ways. I hardly looked in front of me. My feet were moving forward at their usual pace but my eyes remained glued to my phone as I frantically added character after character to each response in my effort to fight back against the barrage of incoming commenters.

The debate and incoming responses had me spellbound to my phone and nothing could stop me. X had a gravitational pull on my attention.

As I finally pulled out of the parking garage, upon my exit, I slammed into the curb with my car – hard! Thankfully the car was fine.

“I could have popped a tire,” I said to myself.

It was time for a change.

The Road Toward Optimization

My plan was made quickly. For up to 30 days, as needed, I would commit to daily journaling about my use of X.com and make observations. This would help me form new habits.

On the first day, I logged in a few times, but less than usual. Will power was in full effect and my first day was successful.

One of the major benefits of including writing as part of my plan was that it forced me to reflect in the moment and pay more attention to my emotional state. This helped me make an important early observation. I found that I did more ‘Xing’ (formerly known as ‘Tweeting’)’ when listening to or reading political content.

I became even more reassured about my plan but my goals were murky at best. Fortunately, I like it this way. My most loyal readers know that I recommend a strong and reliable system over a set of goals for many reasons.

Early Progress and Relapses

On day 2, there was a relapse. A particularly stimulating political post consumed my attention. It was by an account that I frequently check up on despite routinely despising this person. My attention was captivated by the toxicity and unprofessionalism of the post and it was not a good use of my time. It was a step backwards.

One could argue that I was back at square one and only after one day, but fortunately, this was not the way I saw things.

This disappointing event illustrates one of the most challenging aspects involved in changing behavioral habits, especially when disappointment occurs so early in the process. In these moments, self doubt knocks at the door and it often creeps in and sabotages our efforts.

How did I overcome this setback? It was simple. I had already expected it in advance. By expecting it, I had no opportunity to be disappointed in myself. This did not meet my definition of failure, so therefore, I did not fail. My forgiving definition of what would constitute failure made me immune.

---

Instead of resorting to self-doubt, or frustration, I was reminded that my mission was indeed worthwhile. As I journaled, I came to better understand the difficult-to-measure, negative impact that toxic engagement on X had on my emotional state.

Thanks to journaling, the hidden cost of this behavior was exposed.

My resolve strengthened.

Declaration of Victory

When we improve at our ability to manage our habits and behavior, it can be hard to grant ourselves credit. People who engage in habits of negative self-talk and insecurity are most affected. How do we know when we have made progress? At this point in my journey, only a handful of days had gone by but my relapses were already occurring with much less frequency and intensity.

By day 10 or so, I continued to check in on the X platform a couple of times per day but impulse checking was no longer part of my routine. Most of the time, I didn’t even want to impulsively log in because in only a few short days, I internalized the reality that doing so as an unimportant task and a distraction. 

This is where I decided to declare victory.

Habits Must be Replaced

Months later, I still believe I have won. To be clear, I do occasionally still indulge the urge to engage with some of the toxic and nonsensical garbage that spreads on X. Just take one look at my account and you will see. This will undoubtedly continue, but now my behavior is much more controlled precisely because I understand its impact on me.

Many thinkers, including habit-formation expert, James Clear have observed that old habits must be replaced with new ones. If old habits are not replaced, they will inevitably linger. Something needs to fill the time that old habits used to occupy. Old habits cannot simply be replaced with nothing. Human beings will not give up a habit and sit by idly.

How did I replace my old X habit?

Besides writing and reflection, one powerful choice I made was to delete the app from my phone.

This accomplished something very important. Now when I impulsively look at my phone, instead of being on X, I am either reading email, checking a few news sources, looking at FitBit stats, or poking around in the Google Sheet file that I use to stay organized.

Some might call my spreadsheet, “paradise.” 🏖️

Notice how my old routine was replaced in this example.

Now I log in but far less and when I do want to, I need to open my browser. This inconvenience forces me to pause and I am reminded that my mind is playing tricks on me. I really do not care all that much about what attention-seeking strangers are complaining about on X. Although I may still be curious, I no longer attach as much meaning to the things people post about.

Expectations are Everything

There was a reason that I sought to change how I use X, rather than to absolutely and unequivocally quit. For someone like me, these platforms play a role in my life, even if I cannot adequately explain the reason. I never needed to quit, I just needed to use social media more constructively.

If I were measuring myself against perfection, or an poorly designed goal, I might have considered my early shortcomings to be a failure. Have you ever been caught in this trap? I certainly have. Lofty expectations come with immense cost when they make self doubt and frustration the probable outcome. In these cases, ‘perfect’ should never be the enemy of ‘good enough.’ I did not need to be perfect, I just needed to win.

When I overcame my Twitter habit, not only did I better optimize my time, I believe I may have even boosted my IQ. Quality of life and IQ points are terrible things to waste.

What more motivation could I need?

---

A Disclaimer: This post contains several references to x.com. Thanks to Elon Musk’s silly name change of Twitter, there is potential for confusion. If you made it this far reading, hopefully you understand that I am talking about the social media platform and not different but much more popular “X” related websites.

---

*This post may contain affiliate links. These help financially support the Deep Dive Careers platform.

Subscribe here to get this content delivered directly to your email.